I've been feeling like I should grow up. It's rather hard, though. Growing up requires so much of me. It's something that's absolutely heart-breaking, to be honest. To grow up... a person has to realize what is real and what is not. I love to live in fantasies. I remember waking up on a weekend, not having to work, and just sitting in bed, laying in bed, dreaming fantastic tales to drain away hours at a time. I would spend two and a half hours just imagining a life that wasn't mine but "would be" when I grew up. I always had so much expectations for myself when I grew up. I think I'm letting myself down because there's no way I could live out any of those thoughts. There's no way I'll ever have these small dreams acheived. All the grand gestures... will never happen to me in any form. You know, I'm not sure if I can live without romance. But I would rather die than do what my heart wants. As much as I would love some sort of excitement; I'll stay. I can't make it through any more disruptions.
I think if I plan on really following though, I'll never be truely happy again. Nor would I be sad though. That is what's appealing to me. I think I'll try it. If it doesn't fly, then wish me luck to live my life forever on a roller coaster of pain. I don't think it'll ever get better.
I don't know what else to do. I can't be unhappy.